Pudding Pie

“I want to hear more music about pie!” 

~Stewie Griffen 

I didn't know it was possible to create sweetened fried "mayonnaise" until last night. I was attempting to make meringue which I had never made before, but had seen and consumed plenty of times; for example, last February at my great Aunt's birthday party when she was presented with a gigantic Baked Alaska, still covered in an impressively large blue flame. Fortunately the table cloths and onlookers all survived without injury and the dessert was sumptuous. 

So there I was, mixing five eggs whites in a double boiler over our stove while a gooey pudding chilled in the refrigerator, relying on faith and fortune to guide me. Inspired by James Mcnair's "Banana Custard" and because we had most of the ingredients already, I had decided to try my hand at a cream pie for one of our weekly dinner parties. Though I have to admit my mother is the queen of crust, I was content to venture out of my comfort zone. The original recipe called for vanilla wafers, but I had never been particularly fond of the crunchy cookie, so I stuck to my graham cracker guns, added some melted bittersweet baking chocolate, and went from there. 

The custard part was a bit tricky at first. I had worked at a summer camp as a prep chef in 2010, and made the mistake of scorching a vat of homemade chocolate pudding one afternoon. Needless to say I was apprehensive about making the same mistake again, but decided it was better to waste a few eggs than an opportunity.  

"Yay! It looks legit!" I exclaimed proudly to my stepfather. The custard was creamy yellow and swirled under my wooden spoon, burbling and congealing to its heart's content. 

Because the crust had bits of chocolate, it made sense for the filling to be chocolate flavored as well. While the phlegm colored custard cooled, I opened a packet of chocolate mousse powder that I had brought back from my excursion in Milan. Into the bowl it went, creating a jiggling, bowel content brown, substance. 

The last step was the meringue- or the fried mayonnaise as I mentioned at the beginning. The recipe I was using hadn't mentioned that once you froth the egg whites you're supposed to take them off the heat. Needless to say, I worked away with a hand mixer, creating a gritty paste which I attempted to spread over my pie. My stepfather tasted it, and agreed that it was rather nasty. 

"Try again." He recommended. 

"But that's a waste of eggs." I argued.

"Not if you pay attention and do it right the second time." He said, leaving the fate of the pie in my hands. 

In the end, a nice creamy yet not too sweet pie with a spongy golden top sat on the dining room table. Spoons clinked, plates were served, and the food disappeared. The Meringue Mayonnaise disaster was behind me.